Texts From Last Night

[jayboat]

Jay, I coming behind you.

You better keep that to yerself.

(501):

i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.

(I suspect that DollaBill would look at this differently. :sifone: )

 

[jayboat]

(315):

I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.

 

[DollaBill]

You better keep that to yerself.

(501):

i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.

(I suspect that DollaBill would look at this differently. :sifone: )

hahaha. Been there

 

[Spicy]

(315):

I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.

:bump:
:sifone:

 

[LaughingCat]

(212):

I lifted your credit card. It was a crappy thing to do but I feel better now that you know.

 

[LaughingCat]

(425):

I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...




(443):

Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.

 

[LaughingCat]

(716):

i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly





(203):

walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?

 

[LaughingCat]

(410):

She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee



(314):

There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.

 

[LaughingCat]

(225):

How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to **** green before I should seek medicial attention?

 

[LaughingCat]

(541):

You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"

 

[LaughingCat]

(360):

It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.

 

[LaughingCat]

(479):

You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
(1-479):

You got my a$$ fired just for knowing you

(479):

thanks for the bacon

 

[jayboat]

(902):

I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.

 

[jayboat]

(815):

Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.

 

[jayboat]

(443):

I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation

 

[jayboat]

(973):

My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"

(973):

That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"

 

[jayboat]

(209):

Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."

 

[jayboat]

(918):

My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.

 

[jayboat]

(512):

its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video

 

[jayboat]

(609):

One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.