Texts From Last Night

(386): I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
 
(303): I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
 
(423): I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4
 
(847): I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
 
(347): k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just ****ed (phucked) up a microwaveable pizza
 
(250): Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
 
(404): she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
 
(416): when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the **** (phuck) out of there so fast.
 
(254): You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
 
(210): By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
 
(321): You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
 
(850): She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
 
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