MacGyver Charter Member Apr 24, 2010 #1,541 (708): I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
MacGyver Charter Member Apr 24, 2010 #1,542 (403): There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
MacGyver Charter Member Apr 24, 2010 #1,543 (785): We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
MacGyver Charter Member Apr 24, 2010 #1,544 (812): through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife. (847): ill be there in 5.
(812): through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife. (847): ill be there in 5.
MacGyver Charter Member Apr 24, 2010 #1,545 (425): Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
(425): Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
MacGyver Charter Member Apr 24, 2010 #1,546 (540): That was the scariest sex i've ever heard.... (1-540): It was the best sex i've ever had.
MacGyver Charter Member Apr 24, 2010 #1,547 (540): I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
MacGyver Charter Member Apr 24, 2010 #1,548 (315): Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
MacGyver Charter Member Apr 24, 2010 #1,549 (+44): The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
MacGyver Charter Member Apr 24, 2010 #1,550 (216): Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
(216): Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
MacGyver Charter Member Apr 24, 2010 #1,551 (202): Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
(202): Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
MacGyver Charter Member Apr 24, 2010 #1,552 (708): Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
(708): Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
MacGyver Charter Member Apr 24, 2010 #1,553 (905): Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
MacGyver Charter Member Apr 24, 2010 #1,554 (813): God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a ****ing jacket.
MacGyver Charter Member Apr 24, 2010 #1,555 (843): the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
(843): the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
MacGyver Charter Member Apr 24, 2010 #1,556 (254): I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
(254): I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
MacGyver Charter Member Apr 24, 2010 #1,557 (308): i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
MacGyver Charter Member Apr 24, 2010 #1,558 (845): The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
(845): The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
MacGyver Charter Member Apr 24, 2010 #1,559 (484): we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
(484): we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
MacGyver Charter Member Apr 24, 2010 #1,560 (631): she passed on me to **** the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"? (516): nope.
(631): she passed on me to **** the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"? (516): nope.
