Texts From Last Night

[MacGyver]

(425):
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.

 

[MacGyver]

(573):
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.

 

[MacGyver]

(715):
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.

 

[MacGyver]

(530):
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...

 

[MacGyver]

(201):
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.

 

[MacGyver]

(815):
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.

 

[MacGyver]

(507):
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.

 

[MacGyver]

(928):
We've been ****ing since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in

 

[Davidmnc]

(815):
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.

 

[MacGyver]

I wondered how long it would take for you to chime in :sifone:

 

[Cash Bar]

(607):
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.

This sounds like DollaBill and OSO Steve's missions in life. Backfires everytime. :sifone:

 

[DollaBill]

LMAO. Thats got some truth to it.

 

[MacGyver]

(248):
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories

 

[MacGyver]

(309):
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.

 

[MacGyver]

(208):
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.

 

[MacGyver]

(512):
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.

 

[MacGyver]

(313):
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"

 

[MacGyver]

(312):
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?

 

[MacGyver]

(805):
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes

 

[MacGyver]

(501):
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.