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Texts From Last Night

(517):
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
 
(785):
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
 
(443):
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
 
(320):
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
 
(708):
eww mummy girl is here...

(931):
what the ****. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
 
(401):
What the ****. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky ****ing guy.
 
(214):
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
 
(815):
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a ****.
 
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