Texts From Last Night

[MacGyver]

(618): bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented

 

[MacGyver]

(339): Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car

 

[MacGyver]

(781): video games are the ultimate cock blocker

 

[MacGyver]

(403): That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can

 

[MacGyver]

(864): we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game

 

[MacGyver]

(770): his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning

 

[MacGyver]

(864): We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.

 

[MacGyver]

(940): I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
(1-940): you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.

 

[MacGyver]

(360): afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.

 

[MacGyver]

(512): Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic

 

[MacGyver]

(253): just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else

 

[MacGyver]

(310): Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. **** (phuck) EVERYTHING

 

[MacGyver]

(212): Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.

 

[MacGyver]

(239): Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet

 

[MacGyver]

(603): Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. **** (phuck) Tequila.

 

[MacGyver]

(303): she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?

 

[MacGyver]

(623): Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?

 

[MacGyver]

(209): Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.

 

[MacGyver]

(262): I wish they made helmets for livers.

 

[MacGyver]

(704): you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.