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Texts From Last Night

lmfao... (610): he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
 
then i almost spit on the computer..

(309): dude i dont realllllly have to **** her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
 
(262): Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!


read my mind!
 
(310): Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably f**k
(312): Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?



(250): Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
(1-250): I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
 
LaughingCat said:
Throw everything at the wall, something will stick. It's the law of large numbers.
Click to expand...

And he may get lucky with a threesome or foursome.....:sifone:

Neither one said no, they were just checking out to see how large the group was gonna be......
 
(847): So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be


I want to go there.
 
Ratickle said:
And he may get lucky with a threesome or foursome.....:sifone:

Neither one said no, they were just checking out to see how large the group was gonna be......
Click to expand...

Goes along with this one:

(727): i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
 
(209): update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still ****ing on all your stuff.
(1-209): the house was on fire??
(209): sh!t I thought I told you.
 
(904): my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
(386): girlfriend?

(989): I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.

(480): I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.

(330): She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.

(617): I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my ***** was Home Depot.

(414): can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
(1-414): aren't you going with children?
 
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