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Texts From Last Night

And this is why Orange County CA is the greatest place on earth...

(949): Dude. f*cked her last night. f*cked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
 
(205): Do you want the good news or bad news first?
(678): bad news
(205): The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
 
(707): last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
 
(519): I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
 
Man these things are killer, what a way to spend a day at work :D

(315): So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
 
insanity said:
Man these things are killer, what a way to spend a day at work :D

(315): So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Click to expand...

Hmm, I think she met OSO Steve. :rofl::willy_nilly:
 
At least I know I'm not the only one that gets drunk and acts like an idiot.

(269): did you hook up austin?
(248): No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
 
This has to be one of, if not the best on the site.

(323): You got in a fight last night?
(818): Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got ****ed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
(323): Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
 
(404): Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
(305): Did you save them?
(404): Who?
 
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