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Texts From Last Night

LaughingCat said:
(415): I hate ****ing guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.

(978): ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?

(440): I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet

My absolute favorite one from today:
(978): You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Click to expand...

LOL. I actually did the reach in the shirt thing to my ex wife in a bar. Cant remember what i said but I thought my brother in law was gonna pee himself right there on the stool :sifone:
 
(703): i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
(804): Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
(703): well there you go. the average partycu*t evolved into megapartycu*t just like scientists predicted.

(423): i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.

(905): you alive?
(1-905): ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin

(917): i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!

(801): You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.

(720): Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
 
Just submitted a few from our night out last night..we'll see if they rank.

918: and she DEFINATELY has a kinky side.. **** ive not tried... between the wanting to be choked and a history of bulemia, i may have a keeper on my hands.
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918: And how dare you scream "ATTENTION WHORE!" at me when I was trying to walk away.
918 (1): I didnt, I screamed "ATTENTION, WHORE!" .. Turns you out dont mind worth a ****.
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918: Only if you pony up for halfsies on the abortion BEFORE we get to her house.
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918: What you just did in there was disgusting. I pretend I dont even know you.
918 (1): I named it after you.
918: DUDE! You did?! I fvckin love you man!
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918: Did you use my iphone after I passed out?
918(1): Ya, cant remember why. Why?
918: Just had 10 missed calls from a number saved as "Dont Fvking ANSWER!"
918: (1) Well Gotdamn! Dont fvcking answer it!!
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918: Youre new girlfriend is an f'in slutty whore....
918(1) I know! Isnt it awesome!
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918: Just watched two girls making out in the front entrance. Turns out it was your two ex's. Neither of them knew the other one, yet. But I took a picture and tagged both of them in it on facebook. (these are the same girls that just had an all-out email battle over my buddy all day long but have never met each other)
 
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waterboy222 said:
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918: What you just did in there was disgusting. I pretend I dont even know you.
918 (1): I named it after you.
918: DUDE! You did?! I fvckin love you man!
------------------------------------
918: Did you use my iphone after I passed out?
918(1): Ya, cant remember why. Why?
918: Just had 10 missed calls from a number saved as "Dont Fvking ANSWER!"
918:(1) Well Gotdamn! Dont fvcking answer it!!
----------------------------------------
918: Youre new girlfriend is an f'in slutty whore....
918(1) I know! Isnt it awesome!
-----------------------------------------
Click to expand...

These are great!
 
waterboy222 said:
Just submitted a few from our night out last night..we'll see if they rank.

918: and she DEFINATELY has a kinky side.. **** ive not tried... between the wanting to be choked and a history of bulemia, i may have a keeper on my hands.
-----------------------------------
918: And how dare you scream "ATTENTION WHORE!" at me when I was trying to walk away.
918 (1): I didnt, I screamed "ATTENTION, WHORE!" .. Turns you out dont mind worth a ****.
-----------------------------------
918: Only if you pony up for halfsies on the abortion BEFORE we get to her house.
-----------------------------------
918: What you just did in there was disgusting. I pretend I dont even know you.
918 (1): I named it after you.
918: DUDE! You did?! I fvckin love you man!
------------------------------------
918: Did you use my iphone after I passed out?
918(1): Ya, cant remember why. Why?
918: Just had 10 missed calls from a number saved as "Dont Fvking ANSWER!"
918:(1) Well Gotdamn! Dont fvcking answer it!!
----------------------------------------
918: Youre new girlfriend is an f'in slutty whore....
918(1) I know! Isnt it awesome!
-----------------------------------------
918: Just watched two girls making out in the front entrance. Turns out it was your two ex's. Neither of them knew the other one, yet. But I took a picture and tagged both of them in it on facebook. (these are the same girls that just had an all-out email battle over my buddy all day long but have never met each other)
Click to expand...

lmao, send them to me on fb, this I gotta see...
 
waterboy222 said:
Just submitted a few from our night out last night..we'll see if they rank.

918: and she DEFINATELY has a kinky side.. **** ive not tried... between the wanting to be choked and a history of bulemia, i may have a keeper on my hands.
-----------------------------------
918: And how dare you scream "ATTENTION WHORE!" at me when I was trying to walk away.
918 (1): I didnt, I screamed "ATTENTION, WHORE!" .. Turns you out dont mind worth a ****.
-----------------------------------
918: Only if you pony up for halfsies on the abortion BEFORE we get to her house.
-----------------------------------
918: What you just did in there was disgusting. I pretend I dont even know you.
918 (1): I named it after you.
918: DUDE! You did?! I fvckin love you man!
------------------------------------
918: Did you use my iphone after I passed out?
918(1): Ya, cant remember why. Why?
918: Just had 10 missed calls from a number saved as "Dont Fvking ANSWER!"
918:(1) Well Gotdamn! Dont fvcking answer it!!
----------------------------------------
918: Youre new girlfriend is an f'in slutty whore....
918(1) I know! Isnt it awesome!
-----------------------------------------
918: Just watched two girls making out in the front entrance. Turns out it was your two ex's. Neither of them knew the other one, yet. But I took a picture and tagged both of them in it on facebook. (these are the same girls that just had an all-out email battle over my buddy all day long but have never met each other)
Click to expand...

Troublemaker! :reddevil:

(561): i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be ****ed

(778): Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
 
jayboat said:
Troublemaker! :reddevil:

(561): i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be ****ed

(778): Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Click to expand...

:rofl::rofl::rofl:
 
from the 918 as well- I like the way this dude thinks

(918): Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
 
(816): Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
 
(410): A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
(410): and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
 
(315): im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
 
(413): All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
 
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