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Texts From Last Night

some enterprising comedian could do an entire routine by reading these out loud- he would never run out of material.

:rofl::rofl::rofl:

(623): I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
 
jayboat said:
(623): I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
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Reminds me of a line from the Roast:
Lisa Lampanelli is like the Octomom in one way. . . even though she didn't give birth to octoplets, she has had 80 fingers in her at once.
 
(415): I hate ****ing guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.

(978): ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?

(440): I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet

My absolute favorite one from today:
(978): You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
 
LaughingCat said:
(415): I hate ****ing guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.


My absolute favorite one from today:
(978): You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
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these two are great.

so is the one about grilled cheese. i like that site possibly more than SOS. haha.
 
LaughingCat said:
You have to wonder if people sit around thinking these up or they are real texts.
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I've had the same thought. My conclusion: 85/15 real/made-up.

With that, I give you these (15% are made up, you pick the 15% :) )

(714): what age do we have to be before we can stop f*cking guys on the first date?

(424): Do u kno any dealers?
(1-424): I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.

(703): Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.

(253): i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
 
(636): Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.

(615): Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a ***** and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.

(714): he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday

(515): You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
(1-515): Deal!

(614): Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?

(916): I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn

(973): And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong

(864): Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
 
Hmmm, my home area code is 714 and I go to Taco Tuesday every week...

(714): he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday

Shout I take this personally? I mean, you all assume this was from my wife too, right? :reddevil:
 
(513): ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME

(904): i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
 
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