Headlines

Texts From Last Night

(602): I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
 
(617): i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
(508): i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.

This has to be Dollabill with a phone from another state.
 
Buoy said:
(617): i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
(508): i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.

This has to be Dollabill with a phone from another state.
Click to expand...

Dollabill said:
roflmao
Click to expand...

Why is it that I thought of you the moment I read that?

I live vicariously through you I guess.

Nah, I'm pretty happy in my little world. But I LOVE hearing about yours!:biggrinjester:
 
Some of these are hilarious.

(703): He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.

(217): he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper

(513): no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.

(541): Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
(So this is how Clay gets them. ;) )

(407): you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
(1-407): probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine

(920): good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.

(917): yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.

(757): Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.

(717): You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.

(206): Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.

(224): So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?

(206): i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
(425): for sure. did you let him do it?
(206): thats not the point.

(212): He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
 
(757): Car ****ing is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
 
LaughingCat said:
Some of these are hilarious.

(206): i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
(425): for sure. did you let him do it?
(206): thats not the point.
Click to expand...


I actually laughed out loud at this.
 
(229): this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
(1-229): You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?

(323): I totes stole your whore crown.
(239): With great power comes great responsibility.

(416): No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her

(214): I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.

(910): the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
 
(972): I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
(1-972): I want to be a cop.

Bill... paging dollaBill...
 
(253): oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
(1-253): I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
 
OMG, how did this thread get to page 2?

Here's a re-starter:

(701): Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
 
(571): non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.

(407): I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
 
jayboat said:
(972): I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
(1-972): I want to be a cop.

Bill... paging dollaBill...
Click to expand...

hahahaha. Hang on I'm gona load some pics from Saturday night in Seaside. WE WON A FUNNEL ON THE BOARDWALK!! Flashback 25 years! PRICELESS
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top