Texts From Last Night

[MacGyver]

(417):
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again

 

[MacGyver]

(248):
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...

 

[MacGyver]

(765):
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.

 

[MacGyver]

(847):
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.

 

[MacGyver]

(847):
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life

 

[MacGyver]

(707):
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight

 

[MacGyver]

(214):
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.

 

[MacGyver]

(204):
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city

 

[MacGyver]

(770):
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl

 

[MacGyver]

(973):
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car

 

[MacGyver]

(613):
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.

 

[MacGyver]

(214):
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that

 

[MacGyver]

(469):
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.

 

[MacGyver]

(714):
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.

 

[MacGyver]

(740):
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night

 

[MacGyver]

(609):
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled

 

[MacGyver]

(614):
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.

 

[MacGyver]

(319):
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.

 

[MacGyver]

(512):
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy

 

[MacGyver]

(714):
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.