Headlines

Texts From Last Night

(913):
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
 
(256):
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
 
(760):
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
 
(417):
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka

(479):
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
 
(440):
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
 
(405):
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
 
(614):
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
 
(925):
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
 
(201):
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
:eek:
 
(919):
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
 
(248):
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.

:cheers2:
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top