Texts From Last Night

[Chris]

(781):
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave

 

[jayboat]

(781):
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave

Wear your lanyard.

 

[LaughingCat]

OMG, Chris is posting. This thread has finally made it.

 

[LaughingCat]

(417):

And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?

 

[LaughingCat]

(304):

i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining

 

[LaughingCat]

(304):

You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon





Is this Clay's area code?
(513):

I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this

 

[LaughingCat]

(906):

Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here

 

[Chris]

513 is Cincinnati

 

[jayboat]

(805):

they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate

 

[jayboat]

DOLLABILL school for future strippers

414):

i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her

 

[BBB725]

414 is Wisconsin:sifone:

 

[LaughingCat]

(203):

he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?

 

[LaughingCat]

(917):

giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?

 

[LaughingCat]

(352):

never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..

 

[jayboat]

(303):
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.

(828):
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.

(303):
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.

 

[LaughingCat]

(303):
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.

You beat me to this one. Awesome text

 

[LaughingCat]

(912):

This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.



(502):

I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...

 

[LaughingCat]

This thread is like a non-stop Last Comic Standing routine.

 

[LaughingCat]

(401):

he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick

 

[LaughingCat]

(508):

no, didnt close...
(978):

What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...