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Texts From Last Night

(303) saint D looking bad...get ready to pay up big boy!!
(303) damn saints D...checks is in the mail... congratulations I'll be homeless next week!!
 
(702):

When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.

(1-702):

I've always been the spiritual type.
 
(419): You have become rather infamous amongst my friends...

(734): OMG I don't want to know seriously I really honestly don't remember. I blacked out. I mean is it real bad or what?


Wonder who's phone that was on :willy_nilly::willy_nilly::willy_nilly:
 
Even if this one has been posted its still killer:

(803):
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.

(520):
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"

(757):
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
 
insanity said:
Even if this one has been posted its still killer:

(803):
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Click to expand...

That just made my morning! Funny stuff!
 
740):

Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
 
(201):
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fvck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
 
(805):
you ****ing puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
 
(813):

yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
 
(412):
How the **** did I get small bruises all over my body?

(1-412):
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't **** my girl while I'm taking a ****
 
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