Headlines
Texts From Last Night
- Thread starter jayboat
- Start date
Big Time
New member
(203):
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Hahaha...that's my area code. :blush5:
BY U BOY
Founding Member
(651):
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
(416):
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
(408):
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
(717):
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
(416):
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
(408):
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
(717):
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
MacGyver
Charter Member
Ohhhhh, thats gonna make for good conversation at supper :26:
jayboat
Banned
Some good ones today... :ack2:
(407):
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
(616):
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
(215):
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
(215):
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
(952)
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
(310):
Slut skills are useful in every country.
(510):
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
(705):
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
(505):
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i ****ed over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
(773):
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
(407):
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
(616):
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
(215):
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
(215):
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
(952)
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
(310):
Slut skills are useful in every country.
(510):
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
(705):
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
(505):
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i ****ed over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
(773):
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
jayboat
Banned
(765):
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
(309):
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
(504):
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fvck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
(713):
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this sh!t and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
(309):
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
(504):
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fvck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
(713):
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this sh!t and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
DollaBill
New member
lmao
Dude! Sweet!
Charter Member
You know, my ex girlfriend was in China and Tibet for a month this summer...
(310):
Slut skills are useful in every country.
(310):
Slut skills are useful in every country.
jayboat
Banned
This thread may never die... :sifone:
(417):
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
(605):
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
(720):
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
(540):
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
(1-540):
What did u do?
(540):
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
(260):
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
(1-260):
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
(970):
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
(770):
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
(480):
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
(602):
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
951):
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
(417):
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
(605):
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
(720):
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
(540):
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
(1-540):
What did u do?
(540):
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
(260):
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
(1-260):
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
(970):
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
(770):
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
(480):
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
(602):
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
951):
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
jayboat
Banned
(419):
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
(949):
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
(949):
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
(817):
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
(623):
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
(949):
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
(949):
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
(817):
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
(623):
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
endeavor1
New member
jayboat
Banned
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake
(845):
mondays should just be called national damage control day
(916):
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
(501):
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
(515):
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
(1-515):
What the fvck were you doing at wal mart?
(518):
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
(1-518):
dude. you drew those with your dick
(206):
I fvcking love fvcking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
(585):
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
(1-585):
oh god.. jail?
(585):
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
(913):
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fvck her. I pretty much had to right?
(314):
you had an obligation.
(914):
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
(1-914):
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
(845):
mondays should just be called national damage control day
(916):
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
(501):
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
(515):
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
(1-515):
What the fvck were you doing at wal mart?
(518):
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
(1-518):
dude. you drew those with your dick
(206):
I fvcking love fvcking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
(585):
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
(1-585):
oh god.. jail?
(585):
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
(913):
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fvck her. I pretty much had to right?
(314):
you had an obligation.
(914):
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
(1-914):
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you