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Texts From Last Night

(812): A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
 
(814): i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
 
(416): He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
 
(732): The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
 
(510): i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
 
(330): So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a puzzy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
 
(716): On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
(1-716): I think you broke the trashy scale
 
(609): how was your night?
(212): well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
 
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