Texts From Last Night

(212): i want you now
(916): you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
 
(212): i want you now
(916): you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this

OMFG- in my younger days I sent some text to the GF father. Lucky for me he was cool and we had a laugh over it. Still one of my best friends and his daughter and I split 5-7 years ago.
 
Temporary hi-jack. How do I make a multi-sentence phrase into my signature. It tells me it's too long, but some people have longer signatures.
 
(864): Is it weird that we showed each other our p--sy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??

(321): C--tadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
 
Temporary hi-jack. How do I make a multi-sentence phrase into my signature. It tells me it's too long, but some people have longer signatures.
__________________
(202): Odds of those being real t-ts?
(614): One in "who gives a f--k"


Looks like you got it
 
(703): we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'

(203): she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
(860): what did you do?
(203): i asked her out. that's so hot.

(602): Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.

(802): Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?

(845): It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.

(443): Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
 
(602): I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
(1-602): you mean pants?

(603): Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
(1-603): The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.


(610): Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
 
(602): I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
(1-602): you mean pants?

(603): Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
(1-603): The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.


(610): Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Oh man those two are good
 
(302): I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.

(917): It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.

(574): some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
(1-574): class
(574): he's dribbling her head like he's f*cking allen iverson
 
My new favorite...

(918): Five things that make you perfect. Go.
(1-918): The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
 
(352): I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy

(314): so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.

(610): He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.

(937): Sometimes he's such a ***** I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
(937): He had some in his pocket. That was weird.

(305): I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
 
Back
Top