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Texts From Last Night

Buoy said:
(313): I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
(1-313): restraining order is on its way, crazy *****
Click to expand...

I KNOW HER.... and so do some of YOU :leaving:
 
(202): Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
 
Looks like Mark got quoted......:sifone:


(815): I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Labels: (815)
 
:sifone:

(978): I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.

(858): I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest

:sifone:
 
I saw one today from my previous area code.
Now that is kinda funny, because all I could do is think if it was someone I knew in the 859
 
My contribution:

(318):We may b retaining ur services later...
(318-1)You can't afford me now that you aren't pregnant.
(318-1)Wait - are you still lactating? there might be a chance.
(318)I'm still fat. yea, & wierdly lactating... all you have to do is cry like a baby and out it comes. You r such a freak!
(318-1)OMG!!! That is the sickest **** I've ever heard! I am stopping by blockbuster and picking up a copy of old yeller and I'll be right there!
:sifone:
 
(210): Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?

thought you guys would like this one.
 
that's one of my new regular stops am and pm. some seriously funny stuff there. I submitted this one

954 - "I'm spreading holiday cheer"

1-954 "and bacteria!"

from last xmas LOL
 
I can't stay away either...

(917): Um, that's called prostitution
(773): Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money

(516): It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.

(910): wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
(910): IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
 
Stecz was caught as well:

(907): I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.

This reminds me of my younger daze:

(512): i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS ****.
 
I died at this first one:

(913): So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized

(724): also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.

(502): ****. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
 
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