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Texts From Last Night

fat chicks update:

(415): How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome

(305): Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
(615): She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
 
I have a buddy i need to do this to.. :rofl:

(919): There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
 
(513): Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide

(626): What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
 
(704): You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass. :sifone:
 
(315): That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.

(541): You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.

(732): You look like a girl that would like strip clubs

(248): i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"

(707): I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and f*ck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
(951): That's the thing about women.
 
(504): Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to. :sifone:

(408): booty call
(925): i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pu**y. :rofl:
 
Is there something wrong with the fact that I see a big up side to this one? :D

(513): Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
 
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