Texts From Last Night

[MacGyver]

(813):
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.

 

[MacGyver]

(540):
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.

 

[MacGyver]

(502):
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast

 

[MacGyver]

(562):
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.

 

[MacGyver]

(815):
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.

 

[MacGyver]

(845):
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.

 

[MacGyver]

(816):
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.

 

[MacGyver]

(410):
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero

 

[MacGyver]

(401):
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is

 

[MacGyver]

(613):
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch

 

[MacGyver]

(920):
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.

 

[MacGyver]

(617):
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.

 

[MacGyver]

(785):
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?

 

[MacGyver]

(517):
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...

 

[MacGyver]

(647):
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask

 

[MacGyver]

(804):
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor

 

[MacGyver]

(952):
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.

 

[MacGyver]

(405):
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.

 

[MacGyver]

(507):
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.

 

[MacGyver]

(920):
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?