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Texts From Last Night

(386):
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
 
(513):
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
 
(949): ****. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
11:31 AM Sep 14th via web
 
(732):
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen

:rofl:
 
(413):
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
 
(508):
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
 
(214):
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
 
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