Headlines
Texts From Last Night
- Thread starter jayboat
- Start date
jayboat
Banned
ok, let's get back on track...
(604): I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
(912): just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
(216): So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
(317): Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to *ussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
(812): You're dead to me.
(314): doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
(504): I'm out of practice. be my yoda
(314): put your penis in her you must.
(858): She wants her sh!t back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-sh!t-ritually-burned clause.
(818): Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
(1-818): Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipsh*t.
(516): she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
(917): I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
(314): just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
(603): she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
(262): your sister was..
(614): good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
(740): i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
(214): Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
(734): i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
(614): He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes d*ck
(604): I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
(912): just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
(216): So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
(317): Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to *ussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
(812): You're dead to me.
(314): doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
(504): I'm out of practice. be my yoda
(314): put your penis in her you must.
(858): She wants her sh!t back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-sh!t-ritually-burned clause.
(818): Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
(1-818): Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipsh*t.
(516): she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
(917): I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
(314): just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
(603): she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
(262): your sister was..
(614): good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
(740): i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
(214): Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
(734): i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
(614): He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes d*ck
LaughingCat
New member
(503): i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
LaughingCat
New member
(202): so when am I gonna get some from you?
(617): when you dick grows 3 inches
(617): when you dick grows 3 inches
LaughingCat
New member
This text just might challenge the existence of this thread not being in Bad Boys section:
(909): I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
(909): I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
LaughingCat
New member
(801): I think my mom's writing a book called how to **** with your kids when you know they're high
(202): why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
(732): the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
(202): why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
(732): the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
LaughingCat
New member
If it weren't for strip clubs, Motley Crue's Girls Girls Girls wouldn't get any airtime.
LaughingCat
New member
(816): You sent me a text calling me "c-nt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
(1-816): So we're ****ing tonight?
(716): holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
(1-716): How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
From the new TV series Tramp McGyver:
(469): I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
(1-816): So we're ****ing tonight?
(716): holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
(1-716): How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
From the new TV series Tramp McGyver:
(469): I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
jayboat
Banned
(315): So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
(815): I don't know whether I should be ****ed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
(217): The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
(815): I don't know whether I should be ****ed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
(217): The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Dude! Sweet!
Charter Member
At least now I know what the story was with that confused dude wandering around on my street last weekend, shoeless and attempting to read the street signs...
(818): Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
(1-818): Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipsh*t.
(818): Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
(1-818): Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipsh*t.
LaughingCat
New member
I love that one.
MarylandMark
Charter Member
bros before hos!
LaughingCat
New member
Understatement of the Year:
(917): I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
(412): I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
(917): I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
(412): I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
MattBMiller
New member
:rofl::rofl::rofl:
LaughingCat
New member
(484): So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
(703): I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Idea for Clay:
(870): I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
(217): My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to **** you.
(509): so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
(978): is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
(620): My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
(480): You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
(916): Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
(443): Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
(1-443): Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
(703): I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Idea for Clay:
(870): I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
(217): My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to **** you.
(509): so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
(978): is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
(620): My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
(480): You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
(916): Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
(443): Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
(1-443): Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
03darkshadow
New member
jayboat
Banned
(760): I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
(508): These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
(402): hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
(1-402): come over
(850): hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
(904): not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
(850): i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
(601): hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
(508): These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
(402): hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
(1-402): come over
(850): hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
(904): not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
(850): i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
(601): hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?