Texts From Last Night

[LaughingCat]

(917):

im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out

 

[LaughingCat]

(864):

If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
(1-864):

as in "white"?






(203):

We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.

 

[LaughingCat]

(708):

so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.

 

[LaughingCat]

(952):

I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
(612):

I didnt dude, i swear!

(952):

either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon

 

[LaughingCat]

(203):

Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
(1-203):

whose oscar?

(203):

the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.

 

[Cash Bar]

(602):

I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
(623):

You mean Doughnuts?

(602):

......No

I have not laughed that hard in weeks....

 

[03darkshadow]

I have not laughed that hard in weeks....

me either. :willy_nilly::willy_nilly:

 

[jayboat]

(907):

Tell me the dirtiest joke you know

(1-907):

Sarah Palin

(907):

god, I love you

 

[Cash Bar]

(954):

If Tiger Woods had security on his phone like I have to he'd still have his teeth.

(954-1):

Why do all those biitches think they were THE ONE. I wanna see just one come out and say " I was fukkin him for the $20k a shot he was giving me".

 

[jayboat]

(727):

Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.

 

[jayboat]

(+81):

I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.

(+61):

You're never coming back, are you?

 

[LaughingCat]

Page 2 again. . . WTF


(864):

I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.

 

[LaughingCat]

(231):

Just fvcked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.

 

[LaughingCat]

(714):

I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
(949):

I gave it to your brother to give to you.

 

[LaughingCat]

(904):

taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport

 

[LaughingCat]

(651):

Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.

 

[bluellama]

(714):

I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
(949):

I gave it to your brother to give to you.

My new favorite "Bad Night" ........

 

[LaughingCat]

(617):

i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.

 

[DollaBill]

(714):

I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
(949):

I gave it to your brother to give to you.

winner! best one yet

 

[LaughingCat]

(845):

our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.