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Texts From Last Night

02): WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
(1-902): I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
(1-902): I love tequila.
 
(212): so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
 
(937): Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
 
(319): I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
 
(812): I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
 
(414): i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome

(314): i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating

(908): did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
 
(715): he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
 
(941): i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head


Seriously - out of all of you guys - who knows what a bumpit is?
 
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