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Texts From Last Night

jayboat

jayboat

Banned
Some very funny chit. :26:

(813): dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.

(757): I murdered the dance floor call the cops

(513): I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors

(315): covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly

(480): I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.

(209): I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
 
(541): so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested

(315): my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple

(516): If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.

(608): I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.

(804): im drinking this country out of the recession.

(760): ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!

My favorite:
(330): cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
 
ahhh this one made me choke on my coffee;

im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
 
A veritable gold mine of new signature material.

(586): Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
 
(505): We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
(505): The Rock won.
 
(808): The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.


(323): don't go home with that guy from jersey
(626): i know, not worth the blood test
 
Something tells me that site is gonna be a great source of material.

(512): I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
(519): If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.

(516): I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank

(312): I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
 
(321): I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
 
(313): I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
(1-313): restraining order is on its way, crazy *****
 
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