Sunday Snickers

[Ratickle]

A man who went to church with his wife always fell asleep during the sermon. The wife decided to do something about this. One Sunday, she took a long hatpin with her to poke him with every time he would doze off. As the preacher got to a part in the sermon where he shouted out, “And who created all there is in six days and rested on the seventh,” she poked her husband, who came flying out of the pew and screamed, “Good God almighty!”

The minister said, “That’s right, that’s right,” and went on with his sermon. The man sat back down, muttering under his breath and later began to doze off again. When the minister got to, “And who died on the cross to save us from our sins,” the wife hit him again, and he jumped up and shouted, “Jesus Christ!” The minister said, “That’s right, that’s right,” and went on with his sermon.

The man sat back down and began to watch his wife and when the minister got to, “And what did Eve say to Adam after the birth of their second child?” the wife started to poke the husband again, but he jumped up and said, “If you stick that damn thing in me again, I’ll break it off!”

 

[Ratickle]

There was a very religious man named Jim, who lived near a river. One day, the river rose over the banks and flooded the town, and Jim was forced to climb onto his porch roof. While sitting there, a man in a boat came along and told Jim to get in the boat with him.

Jim said, “No, that’s okay. God will take care of me.”

So, the man in the boat drove off.

The water rose higher, so Jim climbed onto his roof. At that time, another boat came along, and the person in that one told Jim to get in.

Jim replied, “No, that’s okay. God will take care of me.”

The person in the boat then left.

The water rose even more, and Jim climbed onto his chimney. A helicopter came along and lowered a ladder for him. The woman in the helicopter told Jim to climb up the ladder and get in.

Jim said, “That’s okay.”

The woman said, “Are you sure?”

Jim replied, “Yeah, I’m sure God will take care of me.”

Finally, the water rose too high and Jim drowned. Jim got to heaven and was face-to-face with God.

Jim said to God, “You told me that you would take care of me! What happened?”

God replied, “Well, I sent you two boats and a helicopter. What else did you want?”:smash::smash::smash: