Saturday Snorters

[Ratickle]

On New Year's Eve, Marilyn stood up in the bar and said that it was time to get ready.arty:




At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to be standing next to the one person who made his life worth living.




Well, it was kind of embarrassing. :blush5:




As the clock struck, the bartender was almost crushed to death.

 

[Ratickle]

Jemima was taking an afternoon nap on New Year's Eve before the festivities.

After she woke up, she confided to Max, her husband, 'I just dreamed that you gave me a diamond ring for a New Year's present. What do you think it all means?'

'Aha, you'll know tonight,' answered Max smiling broadly.


At midnight, as the New Year was chiming, Max approached Jemima and handed her small package. Delighted and excited she opened it quickly.


There in her hand rested a book entitled: 'The meaning of dreams'.

 

[Ratickle]

Fund's New Year's Eve party was an annual occurrence with numerous guests arriving.:bday:

During the evening, a man knocked on the door, was greeted heartily although no one knew who he was, and was led to where the drinks were, in the kitchen.

He sat there happily, chatting away, for a couple of hours before a strange light dawned on his face.


'You know,' he confided to Fund, 'I wasn't even invited to this party. I just came over to tell you that some of your guests' cars are blocking my drive.'


He then continued, 'My wife's been sitting out in the car waiting for me to get them moved, so that we can go out.':toetap05::toetap05::toetap05:

 

[Ratickle]

He who breaks a (New Year) resolution is a weakling;
He who makes one is a fool.
F.M. Knowles

 

[Ratickle]

New Year's Resolutions..........



2009: I will not take a drink before 6:00 p.m.

2010: I will not open the bottle before noon.

2011: I will not let drinking become a problem.

2012: I promise not to miss any AA meetings.:sifone:

 

[Ratickle]

Resolutions You Can Actually Keep


10. Read less.

9. I want to gain weight. Put on at least 30 pounds.

8. Stop exercising. Waste of time.

7. Watch more TV. I've been missing some good stuff.

6. Procrastinate more.

5. Drink. Drink some more.

4. Start being superstitious.

3. Spend more time at work.

2. Stop bringing lunch from home: I should eat out more.

and last but not least...

1. Take up a new habit: maybe smoking!

 

[rschap1]

Words to live by for sure

 

[old377guy]

the first really doable list I've come across - good work!