"Official" NFL Smack Talkin' Thread

Atlanta Falcons - Atlanta Fellons
Arizona Cardinals - Arizona Turdinals
Buffalo Bills - Buffalo No Thrills, Buffalo Jills, Buffalo Nils, Buffalo Spills, Buffalo Bins
Baltimore Ravens - Baltimore Crows
Carolina Panthers - Carolina Panters, Carolina Prancers
Chicago Bears - Chicago Teddy Bears, Chicago Cubs
Cincinnati Bengals - Cincinnati Bungles, Cincinnati Bungholes
Cleveland Browns - Cleveland Clowns, Cleveland Frowns
Dallas Cowboys - Dallas Cowgirls, Dallas Cowpies
Denver Broncos - Denver Donkeys
Detroit Lions - Detroit Cryins, Detroit Kittens
Green Bay Packers - Green Bay Fudgepackers, Green Bay Slackers, Green Bay Whackers
Houston Texans - Houston Hexans
Indianapolis Colts - Indianapolis Dolts
Jacksonville Jaguars - Jacksonville Jagoffs
Kansas City Chiefs - Kansas City Griefs, Kansas City Chefs
Miami Dolphins - Miami Minnnows
Minnesota Vikings - Minnesota ViQueens
New England Patriots - New England Patsies
New Orleans Saints - New Orleans Aints
New York Giants - New York Midgets
New York Jets - New York Yets
Oakland Raiders - Oakland Faders, Oakland Taters
Philadelphia Eagles - Philadelphia Beagles, Philadelphia Iggles
Pittsburgh Steelers - Pittsburgh Reelers, Pittsburgh Squealers
San Diego Chargers - San Diego Rechargers, San Diego Deadbolts
San Francisco 49ers - San Francisco Whiners, San Francisco $4.99ers
Seattle Seahawks - Seattle Seachickens, Seattle Yawnhawks, Seattle Cheesehawks, Seattle Weehawks, Seattle Seaslugs
St. Louis Rams - St. Louis Lambs
Tampa Bay Buccaneers - Tampa Bay Quackaneers, Tampa Bay Yuccaneers
Tennessee Titans - ???
 
Vikings sack Paris, probably led by Ragnar Lodbrok...on this day in history.:hurray::hurray::hurray::hurray:

OTD-March-28---Viking-Siege-of-Paris.jpg
 
Minnesota is having another excellent draft....Tomorrow should be interesting...unless they trade Toby Gerhart to Denver in order to move up and grab Manti T'eo.
 
From the Onion...too funny.

Onion Sports thoroughly examines the major needs of some NFL teams heading into the 2013 NFL Draft:

Kansas City Chiefs:

Young, mobile quarterback to replace Alex Smith midway through the season
Only eight to 10 pieces of chicken away from fully satisfying Andy Reid

Jacksonville Jaguars:

Superstar kicker to build franchise around
Could add players at the 52 roster spots where they need the most help
Modern stadium in Los Angeles

Oakland Raiders:

Whatever, it doesn’t f*cking matter

Detroit Lions:

Find solid backup assholes to add depth to core of dirty, piece-of-**** cheap shot artists
Another player who never will get ball to line up opposite of Calvin Johnson
Add speed to secondary with brand-new bikes for the defensive backs

Buffalo Bills:

Reliable 10-foot-tall receiver to catch Kevin Kolb’s routinely overthrown passes
Way less pressing problems
Veteran leadership to cut Kevin Kolb and admit this all was a huge ****ing mistake

New York Jets:

Stick to formula of finding young, promising players and running their careers into ground
Overrated cornerback
Goddamn miracle

Dallas Cowboys:

Front office just gave a new six-year, $108 million contract extension to Tony Romo, so they clearly know what they’re doing and don’t need anyone’s help

Chicago Bears:

Beloved middle linebacker who was the leader on defense and face of franchise for 13 seasons
Nasty, mean offensive tackle willing to deprive millions of the pure, unadulterated joy of watching Jay Cutler getting smashed into the ground

Minnesota Vikings:

Two or three more Adrian Petersons
Career-ending injury to Christian Ponder
Greg Jennings to lose about three years off his age

Green Bay Packers:

Dependable running back capable of breaking 30 or 40 tackles every play
Sign overpriced free agent if they want to stay competitive during important offseason
Another big, soft, and cuddly offensive lineman

Denver Broncos:

Every down running back who can convincingly pretend to take a hand-off from Peyton Manning 55-60 plays a game
Pass-rushing defensive end to help Von Miller celebrate sacks
Quality backup neck

New England Patriots:

Stockpile picks, as there’s no way Belichick can get by with any fewer than eight new tight ends
New little best buddy for Tom Brady
Depth in secondary to pacify Vince Wilfork’s ravenous appetite during long drives

San Francisco 49ers:



Baltimore Ravens:

Could use a franchise quarterback
Solid replacements for Ray Lewis, Ed Reed, Anquan Boldin, Matt Birk, Dannell Ellerbe, Cary Williams, and Paul
 
That is the one. And it floats!!!!! Not a space ship/cruiser. It's the latest hidden of the New Noah's Ark. Ready for the rising seas due to global warming (or that azzhole ex-VP diving into the ocean with all his fat!)
 
One hour til the Vikings play the Bills for Superbowl shoulda woulda coulda.... I paid for all of the pre season games this year...$19.95...you can watch them as many times as you like...which is kind of neat if you are rooting for some fringe players to make the team.
 
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