gerritm
New member
I didn't Snopes this and I hope it meets the criteria for cut and paste, but it is still funny.
New Stock Market Terms
CEO- Chief Embezzlement Officer
CFO- Corporate Fraud Officer
BULL MARKET - A random market movement causing an investor to mistake
himself for a financial genius
BEAR MARKET - A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the
wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
VALUE INVESTING - The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO - The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market
keeps crashing.
BROKER - What my financial planner has made me.
STANDARD & POOR - Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST - Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT - When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally
between themselves.
MARKET CORRECTION - The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW - The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
YAHOO - What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per
share.
WINDOWS - What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo at
$240 per share.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR - Past year investor who's now locked up in a
nuthouse.
PROFIT - An archaic word no longer in use.
If you had purchased $1000 of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you
will have $49.00 today.
If you had purchased $1000 of shares in AIG one year ago, you will have
$33.00 today.
If you had purchased $1000 of shares in Lehman Brothers one year ago, you
will have $0.00 today.
But---- if you had purchased $1000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all
the beer, then turned in
the aluminum cans for recycling refund, you will have received $214.00.
Based on the above, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily &
recycle.
It's called the 401-Keg.
New Stock Market Terms
CEO- Chief Embezzlement Officer
CFO- Corporate Fraud Officer
BULL MARKET - A random market movement causing an investor to mistake
himself for a financial genius
BEAR MARKET - A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the
wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
VALUE INVESTING - The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO - The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market
keeps crashing.
BROKER - What my financial planner has made me.
STANDARD & POOR - Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST - Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT - When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally
between themselves.
MARKET CORRECTION - The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW - The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
YAHOO - What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per
share.
WINDOWS - What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo at
$240 per share.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR - Past year investor who's now locked up in a
nuthouse.
PROFIT - An archaic word no longer in use.
If you had purchased $1000 of shares in Delta Airlines one year ago, you
will have $49.00 today.
If you had purchased $1000 of shares in AIG one year ago, you will have
$33.00 today.
If you had purchased $1000 of shares in Lehman Brothers one year ago, you
will have $0.00 today.
But---- if you had purchased $1000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all
the beer, then turned in
the aluminum cans for recycling refund, you will have received $214.00.
Based on the above, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily &
recycle.
It's called the 401-Keg.
