laugh today

[imco offshore]

An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and
he turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker
if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

The little girl, who had just started to read her book,
replied to the total stranger, "What would you want to talk about?"

Oh, I don't know," said the atheist. "How about why there is
no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?" as he smiled
smugly.

"OK," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me
ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same
stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns
out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that
is?"

The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl's
intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."

To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified
to discuss why there is no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after
death, when you don't know crap?"

have a great day all,,:USA:

 

[teamsynergy]

A city cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street when a little girl on her new shiny bike stopped beside him.

'Nice bike,' the cop said 'did Santa bring it to you?'

'Yep,' the little girl said, 'he sure did!'

The cop looked the bike over and handed the girl a $5 ticket for a Safety violation. The cop said, 'Next year tell Santa to put a reflector light on the back of it'

The young girl looked up at the cop and said, 'Nice horse you got there, Sir. Did Santa bring it to you?'

'Yes, he sure did,' chuckled the cop.

The little girl looked up at the cop and said, 'Next year tell Santa the dick goes underneath the horse, not on top.'

 

[rschap1]

Bet that ticket was more than $5

 

[MacGyver]

An atheist was seated next to a little girl on an airplane and
he turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker
if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

The little girl, who had just started to read her book,
replied to the total stranger, "What would you want to talk about?"

Oh, I don't know," said the atheist. "How about why there is
no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after death?" as he smiled
smugly.

"OK," she said. "Those could be interesting topics but let me
ask you a question first. A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat the same
stuff - grass. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns
out a flat patty, but a horse produces clumps. Why do you suppose that
is?"

The atheist, visibly surprised by the little girl's
intelligence, thinks about it and says, "Hmmm, I have no idea."

To which the little girl replies, "Do you really feel qualified
to discuss why there is no God, or no Heaven or Hell, or no life after
death, when you don't know crap?"

have a great day all,,:USA:

:sifone::cheers2:

 

[600sci]

man goes to hospital and tells the nurse in the ER completley shocked... " I ONLY HAVE ONE BALL..THIS MORNING MY OTHER ONE FELL OFF "
the nurse huge eyes..and says WHAT..let me see !!!!
after checking him out she says .." sir your totaly fine WTH where u drinking ...the man says u are not qualified, i need a real nurse..she thinks what the hell and gets the supervising nurse...
SAME THING HAPPENS........
again he gets told there is nothing wrong.......he sais u all have no clue ....
pissed off the supervising nurse gets the doctor...
The doctor asked the man " Sir, with all due respect, what is your problem ? "

The man answers..
" well Doc, u know the times are tuff , the weather is ****ty....so i thought to kill some of this ****ty time with fun i go to the ER and let some nurses play with my balls !!!!!!!!!

:cheers2:

 

[JJ Apache]

 

[Ratickle]

:26:arty::26:

 

[rschap1]

Ya gotta have a plan

 

[imco offshore]

if you make someone smile ,,you,ll have a great day
their has to be more than 3 jokes out their,!!:biggrinjester:

 

[Bobcat]

I once fell asleep in a confessional, when I woke up my pants were on backwards.

 

[Ratickle]

I once fell asleep in a confessional, when I woke up my pants were on backwards.

You must have been young and better looking.......

 

[Ratickle]

if you make someone smile ,,you,ll have a great day
their has to be more than 3 jokes out their,!!:biggrinjester:

One day, Pete complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts. I guess I should see a doctor." His friend said, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine, and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. And it only costs $10.00.

Pete figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause, out popped a small slip of paper which read: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water, avoid heavy labor. It will be better in two weeks.......

That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this computer could be fooled. He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the computer, poured in the sample and deposited the $10.00. The machine again made the usual noises, flashed its lights, and printed out the following analysis: Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. Your daughter is using cocaine. Put her in a rehabilitation clinic. Your wife is pregnant ....... twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer. And if you don't stop jerking off, your elbow will never get better.

 

[imco offshore]

i like it Paul

 

[600sci]

PAUL, AWSOME !!!!!!!!!

arty::willy_nilly::cheers2:

 

[imco offshore]

http://mail.aol.com/34007-311/aol-6...ent.aspx?uid=28081060&folder=NewMail&partId=1

 

[clayinaustin]

 

[PARADOX]

A doctor and his wife were having a big argument at breakfast.
"You aren't so good in bed either!" he shouted, and stormed off to work.
By mid-morning, he decided he'd better make amends and phoned home. After many rings, his wife picked up the phone.
"What took you so long to answer?"
"I was in bed."
"What were you doing in bed this late?"
"Getting a second opinion."

 

[imco offshore]

The guys were all at a deer camp. No one wanted to room with Bob, because he snored so badly. They decided it wasn't fair to make one of them stay with him the whole time, so they voted to take turns.

The first guy slept with Bob and comes to breakfast the next morning with his hair a mess and his eyes all bloodshot. They said, "man, what happened to you? He said, "Bob snored so loudly, I just sat up and watched him all night."

The next night it was a different guy's turn. In the morning, same thing, hair all standing up, eyes all bloodshot. They said, "man, what happened to you? You look awful!" He said "Bob shakes the roof with his snoring. I sat up and watched him all night."

The third night was JimBob's's turn. JimBob was a tanned, older cowboy, a man's man. The next morning he came to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. "Good morning!" he said. They couldn't believe it. They said, "Hey JimBob, what happened. You look rested?"

He said, "Well, we got ready for bed. I went over and tucked Bob in, rubbed his ass and kissed him good night. ****in' Bob sat up and watched me all night."




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[Ratickle]

Good one....


Here's one for all the retired folks, read and learn......:sifone:

>Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days
interesting. Well, for example, the other day my wife and I went into
town and went into a shop. We were only in there for about 5 minutes.
When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket. We went up to him and said, "how about giving a senior citizen a break?"
>
>He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him a turd. He
glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn tires. So my wife called him a sh*t-head.
>
> He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the
first. Then he started writing a third ticket. This went on for about
20 minutes.
>
>The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote...










Personally, we didn't care. We came into town by bus and saw the car had an Obama sticker.








We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired... It's important at our age.

 

[Bobcat]

Liked both of them:sifone: