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Best Joke Ever
- Thread starter clayinaustin
- Start date
JupiterSunsation
New member
One or two line jokes are the best, these paragraph/page ones take too long to read......
What is better than winning a gold medal at the Special Olympics?
Not being fvckin retarded............
What is better than winning a gold medal at the Special Olympics?
Not being fvckin retarded............
Ratickle
Founding Member / Super Moderator
You lose interest before the end?:sifone:
Bobcat
Founding Member
snail crawls into a bar and as he is ordering the bartender says" we don't serve your kind here" and tosses him out the door.
snail gets up dusts himself off, and fuming he crawls back into the bar and asks" why did you throw me out?"
the bartender looks at him and says " hell man , that was two years ago"
snail gets up dusts himself off, and fuming he crawls back into the bar and asks" why did you throw me out?"
the bartender looks at him and says " hell man , that was two years ago"
Wobble
Charter Member
A lady who was very lonesome bought a parrot from a pet
store, complete with cage. Before purchasing it she got a guarantee that the parrot would talk.
She took the parrot home. In a week and a half she
returned to the store very disappointed.
"The parrot doesn't talk."
"Did you buy a mirror?"
"No."
"Every parrot needs a mirror."
So she bought a mirror and installed it in the parrot's
cage. Another week and a half went by and she returned.
"The parrot still doesn't talk."
"Did you buy a ladder?"
"No."
"Every parrot needs a ladder."
So she bought a ladder and installed it in the cage.
Another week and a half passed and she returned.
"The parrot still doesn't talk."
"Did you buy a swing?"
"No."
"Every parrot needs a swing."
So she bought a swing and installed it in the cage. A week
and a half later she returned. She was furious! The store
owner asked, "Did the parrot talk?"
"No!, he died."
"Oh, that's terrible. Did he say anything before he died?"
"Yes."
"What?"
"He gasped 'Don't they have any food down at that store?'"
store, complete with cage. Before purchasing it she got a guarantee that the parrot would talk.
She took the parrot home. In a week and a half she
returned to the store very disappointed.
"The parrot doesn't talk."
"Did you buy a mirror?"
"No."
"Every parrot needs a mirror."
So she bought a mirror and installed it in the parrot's
cage. Another week and a half went by and she returned.
"The parrot still doesn't talk."
"Did you buy a ladder?"
"No."
"Every parrot needs a ladder."
So she bought a ladder and installed it in the cage.
Another week and a half passed and she returned.
"The parrot still doesn't talk."
"Did you buy a swing?"
"No."
"Every parrot needs a swing."
So she bought a swing and installed it in the cage. A week
and a half later she returned. She was furious! The store
owner asked, "Did the parrot talk?"
"No!, he died."
"Oh, that's terrible. Did he say anything before he died?"
"Yes."
"What?"
"He gasped 'Don't they have any food down at that store?'"
Wobble
Charter Member
The Fisherman
Two fellas are fishing in a boat under a bridge.
One looks up and sees a funeral procession
starting across the bridge. He stands up, takes
off his cap, and bows his head. The procession
crosses the bridge and the man puts on his cap,
picks up his rod and reel, and continues fishing.
The other guy says,
"That was touching. I didn't know you had it in you."
The first guy responds,
"Well, I guess it was the thing to do - after all,
I was married to her for 40 years."
Two fellas are fishing in a boat under a bridge.
One looks up and sees a funeral procession
starting across the bridge. He stands up, takes
off his cap, and bows his head. The procession
crosses the bridge and the man puts on his cap,
picks up his rod and reel, and continues fishing.
The other guy says,
"That was touching. I didn't know you had it in you."
The first guy responds,
"Well, I guess it was the thing to do - after all,
I was married to her for 40 years."
Wobble
Charter Member
Thibideaux
A Cajun named Thibideaux went to his doctor to determine the source of
his malady.
The doctor, after a lengthy examination, sighed and looked Thibideaux in the eye and said, "I've some bad news for you. You have cancer, and it's very bad. You'd best put your affairs in order."
Thibideaux was shocked and saddened. But, being of solid character, he managed to compose himself and walk from the doctor's office into the waiting room to his son who had been waiting,
Thibideaux said, "Well son, us Cajun's celebrate when thangs is good, and we celebrate when dey don't be so good. In dis case, dey ain't so good. I got cancer. Let's head for the honky tonk and have a few dranks."
After 4 or 3 shots, the two were feeling a little less somber. There were have some laughs and more whiskey. They were eventually approached by some of Thibideaux's old friends who asked what the two were celebrating.
Thibideaux told them that coonasses celebrate the good and the bad. He went on to tell them that they were drinking to his impending end. He told his friends, "Da doctor dun told me I'm dying' from AIDS."
His son's eyebrows raised and he opened his mouth, but Thibideaux raised his finger and the frown on his face stifled what his son had planned to say. The friends gave Thibideaux their condolences, and they had a couple more shots. After his friends left, his son leaned over and whispered his confusion. "Daddy, I thought you said that you were dying from cancer?
You just told your friends that you were dying from AIDS!"
Thibideaux said, "I don't want any of 'em sleeping with yo mama after I'm gone."
A Cajun named Thibideaux went to his doctor to determine the source of
his malady.
The doctor, after a lengthy examination, sighed and looked Thibideaux in the eye and said, "I've some bad news for you. You have cancer, and it's very bad. You'd best put your affairs in order."
Thibideaux was shocked and saddened. But, being of solid character, he managed to compose himself and walk from the doctor's office into the waiting room to his son who had been waiting,
Thibideaux said, "Well son, us Cajun's celebrate when thangs is good, and we celebrate when dey don't be so good. In dis case, dey ain't so good. I got cancer. Let's head for the honky tonk and have a few dranks."
After 4 or 3 shots, the two were feeling a little less somber. There were have some laughs and more whiskey. They were eventually approached by some of Thibideaux's old friends who asked what the two were celebrating.
Thibideaux told them that coonasses celebrate the good and the bad. He went on to tell them that they were drinking to his impending end. He told his friends, "Da doctor dun told me I'm dying' from AIDS."
His son's eyebrows raised and he opened his mouth, but Thibideaux raised his finger and the frown on his face stifled what his son had planned to say. The friends gave Thibideaux their condolences, and they had a couple more shots. After his friends left, his son leaned over and whispered his confusion. "Daddy, I thought you said that you were dying from cancer?
You just told your friends that you were dying from AIDS!"
Thibideaux said, "I don't want any of 'em sleeping with yo mama after I'm gone."
Wobble
Charter Member
Little Johnny
Little Johnny is sitting in biology class, and the teacher says that an interesting phenomenon of nature is that only humans stutter, no other animal in the world does this.
Suddenly, Little Johnny's hand shoots up. "Not correct, Miss!" he says.
"Please explain, Johnny," replies the teacher.
"Well, Miss, just the other day I was playing with my cat on the porch.
The neighbor's Rottweiler came around the corner, and my cat went "ffffffffff! ffffffffffff! fffffffff!", and before he could say "Fu(k Off!", the dog ate him."
Little Johnny is sitting in biology class, and the teacher says that an interesting phenomenon of nature is that only humans stutter, no other animal in the world does this.
Suddenly, Little Johnny's hand shoots up. "Not correct, Miss!" he says.
"Please explain, Johnny," replies the teacher.
"Well, Miss, just the other day I was playing with my cat on the porch.
The neighbor's Rottweiler came around the corner, and my cat went "ffffffffff! ffffffffffff! fffffffff!", and before he could say "Fu(k Off!", the dog ate him."
Edward R. Cozzi
Founding Member
Two guys rent a little fishing boat and by accident find a spot on the lake that allowed them to quickly catch their limit. One of the guys tells the other: "Take this piece of chaulk and put an arrow on the side of the boat so we can find this place again tomorrow." The other guy says: "You idiot, how do you know we'll get the same boat tomorrow?"
Ratickle
Founding Member / Super Moderator
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