a few things to never say to the nice occifer *hic*

[phragle]

NEVER SAY TO A COP

1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas)

2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in

3.Aren't you the guy from the Village People?

4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!

5. Are You Andy or Barney?

6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.

7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?

8. I pay your salary!

9. Gee, Officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!

10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.

11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other
cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are.

12. When the Officer says "Gee Son....Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with,"Gee Officer your eyeslook glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"

 

[Tony]

Officer, the USP, fine choice, would you like me to teach you how to shoot it?

 

[Perlmudder]

never drive by them and yell "oink oink piggy!"

 

[Quinlan]

Bad Cop No Donut

 

[Buoy]

True story.
Was ~20 yrs. old, driving in my brand new Beretta, taking everyone to the strip club (Deja Vu). For the guys that know the area, heading down Conant from P-burg.
Stopped at the light at the turn-off that heads down to Anderson's.
There was a gas station on the right.
We've got the windows down, and at least a six pack of travelers in the car.
Passenger seat guy see's two cop's at the gas station, and yells "COPS, Beers down".
Cop heard this.
I pull through the light and officer follows me, I make an immediate turn into the Mc's on the right, and say ditch the beer's (everyone ditched them under the seats).
And we all head inside as Maumee Barney Fife shows up. On the bumper.
Put us all on the trunk of the car.
I went through a sobriety test (and passed), and the guy that started yelling got pulled for an outstanding bench warrant.
Two car-loads of guys go to bail him out of the Maumee jail (half crocked), and proceed to the strip club.
Killer night.

 

[fund razor]

True story.
Was ~20 yrs. old, driving in my brand new Beretta, taking everyone to the strip club (Deja Vu). For the guys that know the area, heading down Conant from P-burg.
Stopped at the light at the turn-off that heads down to Anderson's.
There was a gas station on the right.
We've got the windows down, and at least a six pack of travelers in the car.
Passenger seat guy see's two cop's at the gas station, and yells "COPS, Beers down".
Cop heard this.
I pull through the light and officer follows me, I make an immediate turn into the Mc's on the right, and say ditch the beer's (everyone ditched them under the seats).
And we all head inside as Maumee Barney Fife shows up. On the bumper.
Put us all on the trunk of the car.
I went through a sobriety test (and passed), and the guy that started yelling got pulled for an outstanding bench warrant.
Two car-loads of guys go to bail him out of the Maumee jail (half crocked), and proceed to the strip club.
Killer night.

Maumee cops have zero sense of humor.

I have heard that the same women work at deja vu still. So that would make them oh... 40 and up.

 

[mosi]

Should have stopped at Dale's. Maumee cops don't bother you there!!!

 

[Sea-Dated]

Sounds like a fun night.....

 

[RollWithIt]

I've heard #8.. or a version like "Im a tax payer.." And if someone would say #11. I would have to let them off just for the humor in it.

Buoy.. I would've let the guy sit in jail for the warrant since his big mouth brought on all the trouble.

 

[JupiterSunsation]

Similar story a buddy likes to tell.....while drinking his brother can see he is about to be pulled over so he downs the beer while pulling over......cops proceeds to find the empty can and asks "you boys been drinkin". Mark replies no those are leftover empties, the cop then holds the still cold can/ condensation still on it to his face and says "you always chill your empties?"

His brother later bought a 64 Caddy with a bad boot behind the rear seat. When they were done drinking they would toss the empties into the boot area and they would drop directly into the trunk, problem solved!

 

[Buoy]

Should have stopped at Dale's. Maumee cops don't bother you there!!!

No naked women at Dale's. Plus, the Police station is literally across the street.

Buoy.. I would've let the guy sit in jail for the warrant since his big mouth brought on all the trouble.

In retrospect, I think you're right.

 

[dykstra]

funny chit!!

 

[RollWithIt]

At least let him sit there while the rest of you go to the titty bar.. Then, if you have enough cash left over, bail him out and tell him how much fun you had. Much more poetic.

 

[t500hps]

Years ago I was at an after-hours concert in a big office complex (weekly concert series with several thousand people). Walking to the car with a 16 oz beer in my hand I walk up to a cop and ask if we can carry these out, then bring them back in....as he answers "yes", it slips through my fingers landing right on his shoe. I look down, back up and say "nevermind" and walk away!!!

Luckily he didn't say a word.