Wednesday Witticisms

[Ratickle]

Bobcat moved into a nudist colony a few years back.

After he'd been there awhile, he received a letter from his grandmother asking him to send her a current photo of himself in his new location.

Too embarrassed to let her know that he lives in a nudist colony, he cuts a photo of himself in half to send her, but accidentally sends the bottom half of the photo.

Bobcat's really worried when he realizes that he sent the wrong half, but then he remembers how bad his grandmother's eyesight is, and is fairly confidant she won't notice.

A few weeks later Bobcat received a letter from his grandmother.

It says, "Thank you for the picture. Change your hair style ..........it makes your nose look too short."

Love Grandma

 

[Ratickle]

Things learned from Children (supposedly all true):

1. A king size waterbed holds enough water to fill a 2000 sq. ft. house 4 inches deep.


2. If you spray hair spray on dust bunnies and run over them with roller blades, they can ignite.


3. A 3 year old's voice is louder than 200 adults in a crowded restaurant.


4. If you hook a dog leash over a ceiling fan, the motor is not strong enough to rotate a 42-pound boy wearing Batman underwear and a Superman cape. It is strong enough, however, if tied to a paint can, to spread paint on all four walls of a 20x20 ft. room.


5. You should not throw baseballs up when the ceiling fan is on. When using a ceiling fan as a bat, you have to throw the ball up a few times before you get a hit. A ceiling fan can hit a baseball a long way.


6. The glass in windows (even double-pane) doesn't stop a baseball hit by a ceiling fan.


7. When you hear the toilet flush and the words "uh oh," it's already too late.


8. Brake fluid mixed with Clorox makes smoke, and lots of it.


9. A six-year old can start a fire with a flint rock even though a 36-year-old man says they can only do it in the movies.


10. Certain Legos will pass through the digestive tract of a 4-year old.


11. Play dough and microwave should not be used in the same sentence.


12. Super glue is forever.


13. No matter how much Jell-O you put in a swimming pool you still can't walk on water.


14. Pool filters do not like Jell-O.


15. VCR's do not eject PB&J sandwiches even though TV commercials show they do.


16. Garbage bags do not make good parachutes.


17. Marbles in gas tanks make lots of noise when driving.


18. You probably do not want to know what that odor is.


19. Always look in the oven before you turn it on plastic toys do not like ovens.


20. The spin cycle on the washing machine does not make earthworms dizzy.


21. It will, however, make cats dizzy.


22. Cats throw up twice their body weight when dizzy.


23. The mind of a 6-year old is wonderful. First grade...true story:

One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home. She read: "And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?'" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that man said?" One little boy raised his hand and said, "I think he said...'Holy crap! A talking pig!'" The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.


Bonus Points: 60% of men who read this will try mixing the Clorox and brake fluid...

 

[old377guy]

YOU BETTER BELIEVE IT I WILL!

 

[rschap1]

:hurray:

 

[Bobcat]

If I had a 2" dick I would walk around naked........that's twice the size of mine !

 

[Mark]

True that on the bonus...

 

[Ratickle]

True that on the bonus...

I'm still debating with myself......:sifone:

 

[old377guy]

I'm still debating with myself......:sifone:

are you a master at debating yet?