Tuesday Teasers

[Ratickle]

A woman was walking down the street. Without warning, she was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless woman who asked her for a couple of dollars for dinner.

The woman took out her bill fold, extracted ten dollars and asked, "If I give you this money, will you buy some wine with it instead of dinner?"

"No, I had to stop drinking years ago" the homeless woman replied.

"Will you use it to go shopping instead of buying food?" the woman asked.

"No, I don't waste time shopping, the homeless woman said. "I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive."

"Will you spend this on a beauty salon instead of food?" the woman asked.

"Are you NUTS!" replied the homeless woman. "I haven't had my hair done In 20 years!"

"Well," said the woman, "I'm not going to give you the money. Instead, I'm going to take you out for dinner with my hubby and myself tonight."

The homeless woman was astounded. "Won't your husband be furious with you for doing that? I know I'm dirty, and I probably smell pretty disgusting."

The woman replied, "That's okay. It's important for him to see what a woman looks like after she has given up shopping, hair appointments, and wine."

 

[Ratickle]

As part of their ministry, the church decided to run a daily soup kitchen. Not surprisingly, the free food was very popular with the homeless people in the area. However this gift did come with a small catch - first you had to listen to a sermon.

Every day the rows of pews would be filled with derelicts, bums, and plenty of people down on their luck. One afternoon, the minister decided it was time again to lecture on the evils of alcohol. In order to get their attention, the minister began the service by putting up two glasses. One he filled with water. The other he filled with gin.

Then he pulled out a worm and dropped it in the water. The worm swam happily around in the glass of water until the minister pulled it back out. As the worm wriggled in his fingers, the minister proclaimed with certainty that the worm loved the water and that the water was safe for the worm.

Then the minister dropped the worm in the gin. Almost instantly the worm died and its ravaged body began to disappear in the toxic element.

The minister let out a satisfied cry of delight. "Do you see what evils this alcohol has done!? What does this experiment prove?"

Bobcat, in the back of the room, spoke up.




"Reverend, it proves if you drink alcohol, you'll never get worms! Can we eat now?"

 

[JJ Apache]

Bobcat spoke up.... LOL

 

[rschap1]

 

[Bobcat]