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45Sonic

45Sonic

Charter Member
Involuntary Contractions

A professor at University of Minnesota was giving a lecture on Involuntary Muscular Contractions' to his first year medical students. Realizing this was not the most riveting subject, the professor decided to lighten the mood slightly. He pointed to a young woman in the front row and said, 'Do you know what you're a$$hole is doing while you're having an orgasm?'

She replied, 'Probably deer hunting with his buddies.'

The professor laughed so hard he could not continue with the class.
 
One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Joe says to Mike behind him, "My elbow hurts like heck. I guess I'd better see a doctor."



"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money," Mike replies...



"There's a diagnostic computer down at Wal-Mart. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it.



It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars . . A lot cheaper than a doctor."



So, Joe deposits a urine sample in a small jar and takes it to Wal-Mart.



He deposits ten dollars, and the computer lights up and asks for the urine sample. He pours the sample into the slot and waits.



Ten seconds later, the computer ejects a printout:



"You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks. Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart."



That evening, while thinking how amazing this new technology was, Joe began wondering if the computer could be fooled..



He mixed some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, urine samples from his wife and daughter, and a sperm sample for good measure.



Joe hurries back to Wal-Mart, eager to check the results. He deposits ten dollars, pours in his concoction, and awaits the results.



The computer prints the following:



1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.

(Aisle 9)

2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo. (Aisle 7)

3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.

4. Your wife is pregnant. Twins. They aren't yours. Get a lawyer..

5. If you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get better!



Thank you for shopping @ Wal-Mart
 
Nice Jokes!

A woman asked her grandmother how her grandfather had died. "He had a heart attack while we were making love one Sunday morning," granny said. Horrified, the grandaughter told her that two people that old having sex would surly be asking for trouble. "Oh, no," said granny. "Many years ago we realized that ringing church bells provided the perfect rhythm: in on the ding and out on the dong." She paused, wiped away a tear, and continued, "But then the ice-cream truck came along."
 
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