gerritm
New member
:sifone:
EMBARRASSING MEDICAL EXAMS
1. A man comes into the ER and yells . . ..'
My wife's going to have her baby in the cab.'
I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the
lady's dress and began to take off her underwear.
Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs - - -
and I was in the wrong one..
Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald,San Francisco
2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on
an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest
wall. 'Big breaths,'. . . I instructed.
'Yes, they used to be,'. . .replied the patient.
Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle , WA
3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when
I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive
myocardial infarct.
Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting
to the rest of the family that he had died of a 'massive
internal fart.' Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg
4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment
with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that
he was having trouble with one of his medications.
' Which one ?'. . . I asked.
'The patch.... The Nurse told me to put on a new one
every six hours and now I'm running out of places to
put it !' I had him quickly undress and discovered what
I hoped I wouldn't see.
Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body!
Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch
before applying a new one.
Submitted b y Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk , VA
5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient,
I asked, 'How long have you been bedridden?'
After a look of complete confusion she answered . . ..
' Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband
was alive.'
Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson- Corvallis, OR
6. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning
and while checking up on a man I asked . . .' So how's
your breakfast this morning?' ' It's very good except for
the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste.'. .
Bob replied.
I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced a foil
packet labeled 'KY Jelly.'
Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit
7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when
a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker
Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange
clothing, entered . . . It was quickly determined that
the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled
for immediate surgery.. When she was completely disrobed
on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair
had been dyed green and above it there was a tattoo that
read . . .' Keep off the grass.'
Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon
wrote a short note on the patient's dressing,
which said 'Sorry . . . had to mow the lawn.'
Submitted by RN no name
AND FINALLY!! ! . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . .
8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB.
I was quite embarrassed when performing female
pelvic exams... To cover my embarrassment I had
unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.
The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing
this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further
embarrassing me.
I looked up from my work and sheepishly said....
'I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?' She replied with tears
running down her cheeks from laughing so hard .. . .
'No doctor but the song you were whistling was .. . .
'I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener.' '
Dr. wouldn't submit his name...
EMBARRASSING MEDICAL EXAMS
1. A man comes into the ER and yells . . ..'
My wife's going to have her baby in the cab.'
I grabbed my stuff, rushed out to the cab, lifted the
lady's dress and began to take off her underwear.
Suddenly I noticed that there were several cabs - - -
and I was in the wrong one..
Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald,San Francisco
2. At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on
an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest
wall. 'Big breaths,'. . . I instructed.
'Yes, they used to be,'. . .replied the patient.
Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle , WA
3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when
I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive
myocardial infarct.
Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting
to the rest of the family that he had died of a 'massive
internal fart.' Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg
4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment
with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor, that
he was having trouble with one of his medications.
' Which one ?'. . . I asked.
'The patch.... The Nurse told me to put on a new one
every six hours and now I'm running out of places to
put it !' I had him quickly undress and discovered what
I hoped I wouldn't see.
Yes, the man had over fifty patches on his body!
Now, the instructions include removal of the old patch
before applying a new one.
Submitted b y Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk , VA
5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly patient,
I asked, 'How long have you been bedridden?'
After a look of complete confusion she answered . . ..
' Why, not for about twenty years - when my husband
was alive.'
Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson- Corvallis, OR
6. I was performing rounds at the hospital one morning
and while checking up on a man I asked . . .' So how's
your breakfast this morning?' ' It's very good except for
the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the taste.'. .
Bob replied.
I then asked to see the jelly and Bob produced a foil
packet labeled 'KY Jelly.'
Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit
7. A nurse was on duty in the Emergency Room when
a young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker
Mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing strange
clothing, entered . . . It was quickly determined that
the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was scheduled
for immediate surgery.. When she was completely disrobed
on the operating table, the staff noticed that her pubic hair
had been dyed green and above it there was a tattoo that
read . . .' Keep off the grass.'
Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon
wrote a short note on the patient's dressing,
which said 'Sorry . . . had to mow the lawn.'
Submitted by RN no name
AND FINALLY!! ! . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . .
8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB.
I was quite embarrassed when performing female
pelvic exams... To cover my embarrassment I had
unconsciously formed a habit of whistling softly.
The middle-aged lady upon whom I was performing
this exam suddenly burst out laughing and further
embarrassing me.
I looked up from my work and sheepishly said....
'I'm sorry. Was I tickling you?' She replied with tears
running down her cheeks from laughing so hard .. . .
'No doctor but the song you were whistling was .. . .
'I wish I was an Oscar Meyer Wiener.' '
Dr. wouldn't submit his name...
