I'm gonna be a Dad.

[Buoy]

No, not a new Dad, my Daughter is 13.
She's coming out here to AZ for the summer from OH on Tuesday.
Her mother and I split when she was only 1-1/2, and it's been difficult to see her (I moved several times and multiple states). Her mother hasn't made it easy to see her at all. Hell, she even tried to have her last name changed to her current husband... (Fund knows that saga and shared beers with me while I was going through it).
Sounds like her mother can't handle her at this point, and just wants her out.
So, I need to learn how to be a Dad of a teenager before Tuesday.
I gotta admit, I'm a bit scared. I still act like and do stupid chit like a teenager, and my accomplice (wife) usually reigns me in if chit goes too far.
Gonna be an interesting summer.

So, any "raising a teenager suggestions"??

 

[clayinaustin]

Lots of medication! For you, not her! :cheers2:

Good luck! :sifone:

 

[Bobcat]

Good news Tim.

 

[old377guy]

activities, activities, activities.. maybe a low key father/daughter project.. something that requires researching on the web, going to different locations for supplies etc.

 

[fund razor]

Don't worry. It will be fine.

It is a new opportunity for her to grow and stretch into a young adult in a new environment. Just be sure to give her the time she needs to drop the old habits and pick up some new ones.
I'll bet that she rises to the occasion. And you do too.

 

[Buoy]

I have a few projects planned - simple stuff, but should give her a sense of accomplishment.
Things I've been meaning/wanting to do around the house, but physically have been a bit challenging under my current situation.
It's gonna be quite a summer.

 

[rschap1]

Congrats
All the above and x2 on the activities.
My son is 13 and he "follows".
He picks up just about anything from his surroundings.
I try very hard to do a little steering when needed and then YELL loudly if I have too.
My area has a stark contrast of older kids to illustrate the examples of good and bad influences on him.
When the steerring doesn't get comprehended I can cite black and white examples then ask whatta you wanna be ?
What would "A" and "B" do in your situation?

Keeping him busy with the right kids, get togethers, and sports have paid off well.
Idle time for him is asking for trouble.

Again CONGRATS and good luck.

 

[Ratickle]

Since I have no children, I can't be of much help. Except, one thing speaking from my experience as a teenager.....




Keep Her Away From Teenage Boys!!!!!

 

[weekend@burnies]

pick and choose your battles with her
be firm and supportive
I haven't had a teenage girl yet (daughters 10) but managed to get my son thru it (he's 20)
structure and activities very important

boys listen when you yell, girls cry thats my .02 good luck

 

[sonicss31]

Be a father first, then friend. You and her will learn the boundaries of both together, then the rewards are endless. Good luck.

 

[Spudsbud]

If she doesn't allready have a smart phone, tell her you think she needs 1 & take her to pick it out. Immediate "Dad of the Year". Give her plenty of space, think of what she's going thru.... (I have 2 that age btw)
Let her drive the boat : ~ )

 

[Buoy]

Thanks for all the words guys!
She got here on Tuesday, and things are going pretty good - not great yet, but pretty good.
You have to understand, in her now, pre-adult-life she's never been around me.

It's just her and me hanging out all day until my wife gets home (her step-mom).
She seems a little apprehensive, and quiet around me, but once my wife gets home from work she opens up.
It almost seems like she is a bit nervous around me. Which is telling me a bit of her typical home-life.
As most of you know, I'm still recovering from a major med deal, so even simple things like walking around a store are a major workout for me. But, having her here is forcing me to do it - which is good for me too. She's getting bored during the day, and sometimes I just don't have the energy to create projects or "entertain" her.
She is full of respect to both her Stepmom and myself. If I ask her to do something there is NO him-haw, or pizz-moan. She just does it. Not that I ask much of her.
I think she is bonding with my wife more than me. Hell, the two of them are going to Vegas for July 4th... I've never been to Vegas except for to drop off a boat trailer in the desert and turn-n-burn back home to AZ. I'll be staying home at the double-wide taking care of the dogs alone. Maybe I'll buy some sparklers for myself
I treat her as an adult, unless she acts like a kid. I don't think she's used to that, and it's taking a bit of getting used to.
She's not used to being respected.
This will be quite a summer.

 

[Buoy]

Lots of medication! For you, not her! :cheers2:

Good luck! :sifone:

Actually, you're right. I forgot my bedtime med two days, and I paid for it...:ack2:

 

[fund razor]

I remember when Britt was about the same age. Those were probably the years that we were least close. It's easy when they are little, and you can carry them on your shoulders all day. Around 13, we were not "besties." But, she seemed to share my interests, and we had more in common as years went by. She was already a boater, from birth. A strong memory is when she turned 16, instead of a car she wanted drums. So we got her Sonors like I play.
Since then, we have done projects together, painted the house, torn out and planted bushes, worked on cars, etc. A proud moment was when the guys at the muffler shop wouldn't rehang her exhaust (dislodged by snow and ice in driveway). She came to my house, borrowed my ramps, crawled under the car and rehung the exhaust herself. A few years later, we were diagnosing something, and she scooted under her front end with a flashlight in her mouth. I said, you know Britt, you can be a real dude sometimes. She said "thank you."
She is about to turn 23. She works hard, runs a little business, and is very responsible. I have encouraged her to go into my line of work. She is interested in the same things that I am, and she kind of thinks like me. She could do it.
Last fall she said "I want to hit some golf balls." So we went to the range and hit a couple buckets of balls. Next will be shooting. Anything that I do, she will try. (I sparred with her for years, which also drove her mom crazy, but she can take a punch, and she can knock your ass out.)
Drives her mom crazy.
Point is: the years between 12-16 will sometimes be awkward, but won't define the relationship.

 

[Buoy]

Update:
We went out today and let her pick out all new furniture for her bedroom. Did the IKEA thing, and spent the afternoon putting it together. You would think this would be easy for a guy that has 20 yrs Carpentry/house building experience, but this chit is very specific on how it goes together... I guess I don't think like a Swede.
And then, as I'm pushing to get this project done, we realize that the dresser was sent with two left side panels, and no right side.
Probably more disappoint in me than her, because I really wanted to get this done for her TODAY.
The store is 45 mins away (one-way), so it's a half day to pick this up by the time it's done...
We'll get the right part this week, and next week a new queen mattress (move our bed into her room), and a new King bed for me and the wife.
Lex was cool about it all, and she was working the tools to put things together.
She seems to be getting more comfortable around here, and it certainly helps having my wife around - seems to "grease the wheels"
I think we're getting passed that first little "awkward" time.
So far, so good.

 

[Buoy]

It was really cool getting up this morning, coming upstairs to the living room, and my daughter sitting on the sofa greeting me with a "Happy Father's Day"
I never even got a phone call or a card before.
Her and I put a new windshield washer pump in the wifes Hummer this morning, and now they are cooking me a Prime Rib for dinner with pineapple pie for desert.
Things are good.

 

[fund razor]

Cool.

 

[Bobcat]

:iagree:

 

[old377guy]

It was really cool getting up this morning, coming upstairs to the living room, and my daughter sitting on the sofa greeting me with a "Happy Father's Day"
I never even got a phone call or a card before.
Her and I put a new windshield washer pump in the wifes Hummer this morning, and now they are cooking me a Prime Rib for dinner with pineapple pie for desert.
Things are good.

excellent!

 

[Buoy]

Well, update time

Lex announced this week that she wants to stay out here in AZ with me and my wife. Start school out here in August.
She announced it to her mother earlier this week (didn't even tell me and Jody, or should I say "ask").
Today her mother came back with an approval for this plan! She's actually agreeing to work with us to get it done.
She's been great around the house, and very respectful.
She has been asking every morning what chores we have for the day - as opposed to being "told".
I predicted this all ~10 yrs ago.
I knew when she got to be 12-13 she'd get tired of her mom's crap (and her mom wouldn't be able to deal with her).
I have a lot to do to get her set up with school, orthodontist, and who knows what else...
She doesn't even want to fly back to get her stuff, or see her mom and friends. She called her mom and told her to ship her stuff out here today.
I think I'm more jacked up now than the day she was born!

So, yeah, I'm taking over now that she's a teenager.:willy_nilly::willy_nilly:

We were in the garage today, and she was crawling all over the boat and asking when "WE" are gonna get it done... Even offering her choices in paint and graphics.
I guess it's something in the genes.