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Texts From Last Night

(732):
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that ***** serious
 
(985): View more from Louisiana
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
 
(217):
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning

(1-217):
didn't feel it.

(217):
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.

(1-217):
wait what? so it's not in america?
 
(203):
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
 
(936):
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"

(1-936):
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
 
(814):
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
 
(530):
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
 
(303):
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
 
(860):
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so ****ed up.
 
(618):
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
 
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