Headlines

Texts From Last Night

(+26): And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
 
(506): No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
 
(718): Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
 
(224): Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
 
(612): I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
 
(216): In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
 
(407): Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
 
(412): dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
 
(865): I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
 
(315): well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top